The Purina Diet

I have a Labrador retriever, and was buying a large bag of Purina at
Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.

The woman behind me asked if I had a dog? (Duh!)

On impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I
probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital the last time. But
I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes
coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works
is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two
every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I was
going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled
with my story, particularly a tall guy who was standing behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food
poisoned me.

I told her no, I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit
me.

I thought the guy standing behind her was going to have to have help as he
laughingly staggered to the door.