Funny Signs

Plumber:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

 

Pizza shop slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

 

At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blow out."

 

Door of a plastic surgeons office:
"Hello, can we pick your nose?"

 

Sign at the psychic's hotline:
"Don't call us, we'll call you."

 

At a laundry shop:
"How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"

 

At a towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

 

Billboard on the side of the road:
"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."

 

On an electricians truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

 

In a non-smoking area:
"If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

 

On maternity room door:
"Push, Push, Push."

 

At an optometrists office
"If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place."

 

On a taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

 

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

 

On a Butchers window:
"Let me meat your needs."

 

On a fence:
"Salesmen welcome, dog food is expensive."

 

At a car dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

 

Outside a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary, we hear you coming."

 

Outside a hotel:
"Help! We need inn-experienced people."

 

On a desk in a reception room:
"We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left."

 

In a veterinarians waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay!"

 

At the electric company:
"We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be."

 

On the door of a computer store:
"Out for a quick byte."

 

In a restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."

 

Inside a bowling alley:
"Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."

 

In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Drive carefully, we'll wait."

 

In a counsellors office:
"Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.

 

At a Santa Fe gas station:
"We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

 

In a New York restaurant:
"Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."

 

On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
"Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy"

 

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
"38 years on the same spot."

 

In a Los Angeles dance hall:
"Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

 

In a Florida maternity ward:
"No children allowed."

 

In a New York drugstore:
"We dispense with accuracy."

 

In the offices of a loan company:
"Ask about our plans for owning your home."

 

In a New York medical building:
"Mental Health Prevention Center"

 

On a New York convalescent home:
"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

 

On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."

 

At a number of military bases:
"Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

 

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards:
"Now available in multi-packs."

 

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
"Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

 

In a funeral parlor:
"Ask about our layaway plan."

 

In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."