Because I'm A Man

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car,
I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia
has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
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Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very
well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if
I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up,
one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to
fix these things, but now with all these computers
and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
We will then drink a couple of beers and break
wind, as a form of holy communion.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need
someone to bring me soup and take care of me
while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You
never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is not a
problem.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase
basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I
cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin"
or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances
stops working, I will insist on taking it apart,
despite evidence that this will just cost me twice
as much once the repair person gets here and has
to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television
remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the
thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show
looking for it.
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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what
I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either
sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up
something else when you ask, so don't ask.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if
I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying
at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling
amorous afterwards....then I will certainly at least
remember the name and recommend it to others.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing
is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes
ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With
the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine.
You look fine. Can we just go now?
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Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year
2006, I will share equally in the housework. You
just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the
vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest......
like wandering around in the garden with a beer
wondering what to do.
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This has been a public service message
for women to better understand men.