Lut'ran Air

Ya sure, you betcha. Dis is da latest air service to sprout up in Minnesnowta. Also serving Visconsin, Nort' Dakota, Sout' Dakota and Iowa, Moontana. Try it, you'll like it!! If you're traveling soon, consider Lutheran Air, da no-frills airline.

You're all in da same boat on Lutheran Air, where flying is an uplifting experience. Dere is no First Class on any Lutheran Air flight. Meals are potluck. Rows 1 through 6 bring rolls, 7 through 15 bring a salad, 16 through 23 a hot dish, and 24 through 30 a dessert.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by freewill offering, and da plane don't land until da budget is met.

Now pay attention to your flight attendant, who'll acquaint ya vit' da safety system aboard dis Lutheran Air 599:

"Okay den, listen up. I'm only gonna say dis once. In de event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly gonna be real surprised. And so vill Captain Olson, because ve fly right around 2,000 feet. So loss of cabin pressure vould probably indicate da Second Coming or somet'ing of dat nature. And I wouldn't bother vit' dose little masks on da rubber tubes. Yoo're gonna have bigger t'ings to worry about, so just stuff 'em back up into deir little holes. Probably da masks fell out 'cause of turbulence, which, to be honest vit' you, ve're gonna have quite a bit of at 2,000 feet. It'll be sort of like drivin' across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it.

"In de event of a vater landing, I'd say forget it. Start da Lord's Prayer and just hope ya get to the part about 'forgive us our sins as ve forgive dose who sin against us,' which some people say 'trespass against us,' which ain't right, but what can ya do?

"Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden. Not because dey may interfere vit' the plane's navigational system, which is seat-of-da-pants all da vay. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo, and if God meant ya to use a cell phone, He woulda put your mouth on the side of your head.

"Ve're gonna start lunch right about noon. It's buffet style vith the coffee pot up front. Den ve'll have a hymn sing. Basses and tenors, please sit in da rear of da aircraft. Hymnals are in da seat pocket in front of you. Don't take yours vith you when you go, or I am gonna be real upset and I am not kidding!!

"Okay, right now I'll say Grace ... , "God is Great and God is good,And ve t'ank Him for da food. Father, Son and Holy Ghost, May we land in Duluth or at least pretty close. Amen."