Carson Classics...

Johnny Carson as "Karnak" One Liners

"A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou."

Reading the contents of the envelope:
"Name three things that have yeast."

A: The Nestea Plunge.
Q: What does the president of Nestea use when his toilet is topped up?

A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G.
Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H?

A: Zippo Marx.
Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Zippo?

A: Touchback.
Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?

A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo.
Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Kitchy Kitchy?

A: Big Ben, Joe Namath and a candidate's campaign promises.
Q: What is a clock, a jock and a crock.


Johnny.........."Wow, It sure Is cold today"
ED.............."How cold was it"
Johnny.........."I saw a dog stuck to a telephone pole"

Rodney Dangerfield: "Johnny, how long have you and Ed McMahon been together?"
Johnny: "I guess it's been about ten years now."
Rodney Dangerfield: "Wow, that is a long time...any children?"
Johnny: "It's not that we haven't TRIED!!!"

Name what offence someone should automatically get the death sentence:
Johnny: Whoever told squirrels they were good at crossing the road!

Johnny: "It was so cold outside..."
Audience: "How cold was it?"
Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their own
pockets."

Karnak foresees the answer -- "Bobby Orr, Bobby Hull, Ed Sullivan."

Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockey
puck."

Some sad news from Australia....the inventor of the boomerang gernade
died today...."

laughs

"Does that joke draw a picture, or what?"


Carnac: "Catch-22."
"Catch-22...What do the Los Angeles Dodgers do with 100 pop flies."

Carnak: Dippity-do
Ed: Dippity-do
Carnak: What collects on your dippity in the morning?