Quickies

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.

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A man came home, screeching his car into the driveway, and ran into the house. He slammed the door and shouted at the top of his lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

His wife said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," he said. "Just get the heck out."

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of syphillis in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."