Old Age Sucks

Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the
best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No
peer pressure."

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly
widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, " Hardly worth going home is it?"

I've sure gotten old. I've had two by-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new
knees, fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have
poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if
I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But... thank God, I still have my
driver's license!

A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my
sex drive lowered." Sir," replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think
your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're damned right it is!" replied
the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will. She told her
rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and
second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart. "Walmart!" the rabbi
exclaimed. "Why Walmart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a
week."