Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Robert decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So he went to a singles bar and he searched until he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.
"Right now, I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her. "But within a month or two, my father will pass and I'll inherit over 30 million dollars."
The woman went home with Robert, and four days later she became his stepmother.
Some men will never learn.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Ode to the Spell Checker
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Life Lessons
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If you have to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved, and will never achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
There's a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle as His messenger.
You should not confuse your career with your life, because if you have a career that probably means you have no life.
No matter what happens... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
Never lick a steak knife.
Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
"The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
If you have to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved, and will never achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
There's a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle as His messenger.
You should not confuse your career with your life, because if you have a career that probably means you have no life.
No matter what happens... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
Never lick a steak knife.
Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
"The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
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