A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about
sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything
they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the
back of the class.
She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, "oh miss, oh
miss!" with his arm pumping.
"Yes, Johnny, what is it?" she asked, trying to remain calm. Little Johnny
stood up and proclaimed to the class, "at our house, we have everything."
"Don't be silly," the teacher replied, "not even the richest man has
everything."
"We do," he answered, "My daddy said so the other day."
"Now, why would your father say such a thing?" she asked.
"Well, my fifteen year old sister came home with her skinhead boyfriend,
and told poppa she was pregnant. That's when my dad said "God, that's all
we needed."
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
The Judge
A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw."
From out in the audience a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"
"Silence in the court!" the judge shouted back. He turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."
"You goddamned tightwad!" blurted the spectator.
"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."
"You cheap son of a..." the man starts to shout.
The Judge thunders back, "If you don''t tell me the reason for your outbursts right now, I will hold in contempt!"
"I''ve lived next to that lying bastard for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a goddamned tool when I needed to borrow one!"
From out in the audience a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"
"Silence in the court!" the judge shouted back. He turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."
"You goddamned tightwad!" blurted the spectator.
"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."
"You cheap son of a..." the man starts to shout.
The Judge thunders back, "If you don''t tell me the reason for your outbursts right now, I will hold in contempt!"
"I''ve lived next to that lying bastard for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a goddamned tool when I needed to borrow one!"
Monday, April 02, 2007
Die Hard Packers Fan
Recently, I was at a Green Bay Packers game. My seat wasn't the greatest, so when I noticed a vacant seat on the fifty yard line 10 rows up, I headed towards it. I asked the man sitting next to it if the seat was taken. He replied, "No".
I started talking to the man and I learned he owned the seat I was in. He said, "My wife use to love to come to these games until she died."
"Why didn't you give this seat away to a friend?" I asked.
He replied, "Because they are all at her funeral."
I started talking to the man and I learned he owned the seat I was in. He said, "My wife use to love to come to these games until she died."
"Why didn't you give this seat away to a friend?" I asked.
He replied, "Because they are all at her funeral."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
