Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.
As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."
Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"
The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Saturday, October 22, 2005
His and Hers Diary
1. HER DIARY
Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to
have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was
upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation
wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He
agreed but he kept quiet and absent.
I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault
that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the
way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I
can't explain his behavior, I don't know why he didn't say I love you too.
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with
me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent.
Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to
my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he
was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I
don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
2. HIS DIARY
Today the Steelers lost, but at least I got laid.
Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to
have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was
upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation
wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He
agreed but he kept quiet and absent.
I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault
that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the
way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I
can't explain his behavior, I don't know why he didn't say I love you too.
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with
me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent.
Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to
my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he
was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I
don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
2. HIS DIARY
Today the Steelers lost, but at least I got laid.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Never Drink with this Guy
A lady walks into a bar and sees a really good-looking
guy sitting at the bar by himself. She goes over and
asks him what he is drinking.
"Magic Beer," he says.
She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar,
but after realizing that there is no one else worth talking to,
goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,? "That isn't
really Magic Beer, is it?"
"Yes, I'll show you."
He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies
around the building three times and comes back in the window.
The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again."
He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window,
flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window.
She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer,
so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having."
She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window,
plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies.
The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know,
Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."
guy sitting at the bar by himself. She goes over and
asks him what he is drinking.
"Magic Beer," he says.
She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar,
but after realizing that there is no one else worth talking to,
goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,? "That isn't
really Magic Beer, is it?"
"Yes, I'll show you."
He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies
around the building three times and comes back in the window.
The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again."
He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window,
flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window.
She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer,
so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having."
She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window,
plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies.
The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know,
Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."
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